My Public Private Battle With The Mysterious League Of Anons

I don’t like hackers very much. They make me feel extremely self-conscious and insecure. I usually do not display to many traits of extreme introversion, but the mysterious league of Anons that has been plaguing my favorite organizations has my mind oft in the gutters of daily human activity. The way that they approach society make me feel that everything I do is perverse, and in some sycophantic way I don’t do anything to change my ways. But in reality, I know that what I am doing is perfectly acceptable. I know that what I am doing is fun, and I love doing it. I love supporting my government, having a gmail account, and writing about those things on my blog. I enjoy the idea of capital gain through strong-arm business tactics, and I don’t really want that to change.

But am I wrong for thinking that the way I enjoy life is perfectly fine? Perhaps it is of no avail that I use a MacBook Pro that I bought refurbished two years ago to publish all of my blog posts. Perhaps it also wouldn’t surprise anyone that I have used both Nikon and Cannon for my wonderful photographic works. Maybe you wouldn’t be jarred if I told you that I have a 44″ Vizio in my pad that I bought at wall mart along with an XBox360 and a plethora of games. But, did you know that as soon as I am done with these marvelous wonders of technology, that they will wind up in a landfill in China, India, or Africa where the third world has no voice of opposition? The funny thing is, I am not sure that underneath my callused exterior that I am even going to lift a finger to do anything about it. These machines provide for me a service that I would never get anywhere else, and I am not going to give up my digital infrastructure for anything.

This is a message to all of you Hats of various colors: do you feel guilty, do you? Let me intercede here and concluded that no, you probably don’t give a damn about where the hell your laptop is going to wind up in 50 years. It’ll probably get melted down by the Chinese government and sold back to you as a lead-filled earring. So, don’t pretend that you are any less to blame for the problems of your pathetic world than I.

But who am I to say anything? I mean, it’s not like I could break an eternity code written in an entirely alien language using nothing but a chopstick and a various supply of different colored paper clips. I mean, you guys can, right? Anonymous can do anything if they put their minds to it. Anonymous is superman, flash gordon, the green lantern, and iron man all at the same time. Kind of like how Lance Armstrong was diagnosed with three different cancers and survived to tell the tale, right? Well, here’s a hint: you guys aren’t Lance. If I am wrong then prove me right. Prove to me that you can save people’s lives. Prove to me that you can change national policy regarding gasoline combustion engines. Prove to me that you can dismantle Al Quaeda from the inside out using all of your hacking skills. You know what, you probably could do any of those things. But you won’t. You’re cowards, hiding behind a giant question mark.

This is all I have to say to you. Bitch, the kitchen’s that way. Prove me wrong.

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